Happy Birthday to Me! Happy Birthday to Me!

ESPN is reporting that Brett Favre and the Green Bay Packers have agreed to continue their professional onfield relationship for one more season.

This is a good thing.

Now, those bastards in the front office need to draft a quality running back and rebuild the offensive line...otherwise, Brett should have retired.

Having a shiny penny isn't worth crap if you are going to smush it in the mud every other play for a whole season.

Whale Tale...

Remember the next time you catch someone with their underwear sticking out over the back of their pants...

...tell them, "They are throwing down some whale tail there and to put it up. No one needs to see their damned underwear."

According to this weekends edition of World Wide Words, one of the new words of the year is "whale tail."

The American Dialect Society is voting for their Words of the Year and "whale tail" is one of the nominees. And my vote getter...if I have a vote that is.

It appears alongside such other notables as exopolitics(dealing with space aliens), nuclear option(an extreme course of action in the U. S. Senate), refugee(newly controversial word for a displaced person), spim(instant message spam), and my other favorite jump-the-couch(inspired by Tom Cruise meaning to exhibit frenetic or bizarre behavior).

Of the lot, I only disagree with refugee. Someone who is forced from their homes in a mass exodus is a refugee, whether that person is having to move because of war, disease, politics, or mass disaster, ala Katrina and Rita.

So, friends, Romans, countrymen, let's get out there and make these people stuff their whale tails back in their damned pants. There doesn't anyone need to see that.

I've said it before...and I'll say it again. World Wide Words rocks the hizzouse, if you a word-o-phile.

1st Annual "Me" Bowl

I'm adopting this bowl this year.

Every year on my birthday there are a couple of bowl games played.

Through the Cigar Smoke presents: The Birthday Bowl

#14 TCU (10-1) vs. #34/#38 Iowa State (7-4)

Dec. 31 - 2:30 p.m.
ESPN2

With apologies to signature sponsor EV1.net and the Houston Bowl commitee...but if you are offended move the damn thing off of my birthday and I'd have to go bother someone else.

HA!

TCU is #14 in the AP Top 25, USA Today, Harris Interactive, and the BCS.

Iowa State, if the polls went this high, based on the number of votes they received would be #34 in the USA Today poll and #38 in the AP Top 25, ...well, Top 38.

They are running a poll on the Houston Bowl page about who will win...right now people are choosing Iowa State by about a 2/3rds margin.

Wuss! Wuss! Wuss! Wuss!

Traffic officer attacked by pack of chihuahuas.

Chihuahuas?

What?

Wow! He's not going to get his ass rode by the other guys at the precinct house, is he?

Par For the Course...

The Bush Justice Department in a truly Nixonian move are opening an investigation into the leak about Bush's illegal domestic spying.

Because, of course, the domestic spying isn't illegal...if no one knows about it.

Pe-shaw!

Now personally, I don't much care if the government wants to look at my email or what I look at online or whatever...but they should still need a warrant...and, show of hands, how hard would it really have been to have gotten a quick quiet warrant to look into whatever they needed to.

Remember, the Founding Fathers intended there to be checks and balances, not the Executive Branch does whatever the hell it wants to.

Did we fail to learn the lessons that Richard Nixon taught us? More and more, I'm afraid that we have.

And Houston Moves Into First Place...

...in the Reggie Bush-a-thon anyway.

They are 2 and 13.

And the fans have started cheering for Reggie. Signs calling for Reggie have started appearing at their home games. Fans have started chanting, "REGGIE! REGGIE! REGGIE!"

The Ticket Sports Radio 1310, here in Dallas, had a man on earlier today who projected that if the kid from Notre Dame comes out there could be three QBs in the Top Five picks in the draft next year...and Reggie Bush.

Not sure who that puts in the fifth spot, but Leinert, Young, and the kid from Notre Dame are the QBs in question...of that I'm pretty certain.

There has been some doubt about Young's ability to raise his game to the NFL level. I say hogwash. He should slot somewhere between Michael Vick and Donovan McNabb. That would be a pretty good pedigree as a QB, I hope he's closer to those two guys than to another running QB who has run himself out of the League.

Show of hands...does anyone know where Kordell Stewart is today?

I just hope Young learns to work his check downs before he takes off. It would be great to have a Longhorn QB working it in the NFL.

No...I don't count Chris Simms...he couldn't beat Oklahoma.

HA!

Brett Favre's Retirment-a-thon

Will he? Or won't he?

I'm betting he is 66% on the retirement side right now.

He states in the article that he will watch the Packers offseason moves to see if they are building for a run next year...

I'm betting he is going to be disappointed.

Any moves the Pack make next year will be aimed at another year or so down the road. It takes time to rebuild and if you go for one season rebuilds eventually all of that catches up with you...go ask the 49ers,...or the Cowboys, about the last couple of seasons.

I didn't understand the Pack's front office allowing both guards to get away in free agency last year. I didn't understand taking Aaron Rogers in the first round when we had Brett throwing the ball. With the injuries this year, it would have sure as hell helped to have had some veteran protection and a rookie who could contribute on offense. Of course, the defense has sucked this year too.

Ah well, enough bitching about the Packers...for now.

Movies I Hope They Never Remake...

Young Frankenstein was made in 1974. They would ruin it if they tried to remake it.

Gene Wilder is a genius.

This movie is wonderful.

Favorite lines...

"Walk this way." Igor(Marty Feldman) to the young Doctor(Gene Wilder).

"What knockers!" The young Doctor(Wilder) with his face buried in Inga's(Teri Garr) breasts as he stares up at the big doors and large brass door knockers on the castle door.

Hey modern Hollywood...leave this classic alone!

C. S. Lewis

The dedication from C.S. Lewis's The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe...

"I wrote this story for you, but when I began it I had not realized that girls grow quicker than books ... you are already too old for fairy tales ... But some day you will be old enough to read fairy tales again."

Here's hoping we are all old enough to read fairy tales again someday.

For a review of the book, click here.

Good Music...Fall Out Boy

I'm too old to be the target audience for this group's music, but I really like it...

Fall Out Boy -- Sugar, We're Goin' Down

Great stuff.

Big thanks to the guys who run Webjay. If you go check it out, my playlist is called Cheeseman's Jamzzz.

South Park Meets the Super Friends

The Challenge of the South Park Friends

Greatness!

A NASCAR Christmas Story

Every time, I start to think that Earnhardt Jr. is a total punk, a story like this will surface.

There's still some of that good old Southern boy lurking under the Madison Avenue facade that sponsorship meetings demand, the trying to live up to his Dad's memory, and NASCAR and the media trying to anoint him haven't burned away.

Click here.

Useless Trivia Crowns Its Second Round Champion

Des Davies won the Useless Trivia Challenge Second Round.

Round 3 starts soon.

Stealth Beverage...

Who said you can't take a beer into the movies?

...or church? HA!

See it here.

Strap one on.

Damn Spammers...

Jaime Lazo
SFI Sponsor
publipower@hotmail.com

This guy spammed the commentary section of my blog.

Do me a favor, please...send him an email and tell him he's a son of a bitch.

Thank you.

Mark Anderson

Flies Swarm Australian Coast

Fly swarms are making their yearly pilgrimage from the bush into the coastal areas of summertime Australia.

Suddenly, Christmas in Australia doesn't sound so great.

I don't remember Crocodile Dundee or Mad Max or Survivor: Outback making any mention of this. Definitely not a vacation surprise that any of us want to run into.

The Grapes of Wrath

I am struggling through the Steinbeck classic. Don't get me wrong. I'm enjoying it.

With the drought in effect in Texas, the story does resonate with me right now.

I can't seem to catch the spirit of the story. I'm still stuck with young Tom Joad sitting under the shade tree with the former preacher, Jim Casy.

This is one of those books that I am going to "stubborn" it out with...one of those that I can't just give up on.

I want to read it, so I'm going to.

It's just a hard row to hoe. The story of tough-spirited, desperate, poor people is a little heavy subject matter for this time of year.

So Dry...

It is so dry in the Southern Great Plains that Oklahoma and northern Texas have become tinder boxes. Wildfires are raging all over from south of Dallas and Ft. Worth sporadically all the way north up into the Oklahoma City area.

They said on the news tonight that it would take ten inches of rain to break the drought that has gripped this region this year.

The weird thing is that last year was one of the five or six wettest years on record. This year...is one of the driest, ever.

The humidity, which in this part of Texas, is usually way too damned high is in the single digits or the teens. And it is dry...very dry.

There are outdoor burn bans in effect all over north central Texas.

A local fire department discovered the ignition source for one of the wildfires. Some idiot burned some trash outside in defiance of the local burn ban...and for his trouble he burned a couple of families out of house and home and a couple of hundred acres of land.

50 homes over a 5 County area and 1 fatality so far.

We need some rain.

A cold front is supposed to come through later tonight, but there isn't any associated rain, just a lowering of temperature and a slight up tick in the humidity.

We'll see.

The weathermen are calling for a continued red flag warning with gusty winds and dry air.

Click here for more information.

The Second Week of College Bowl Season is Here...

2005-06 Bowl Schedule - December 27, 2005 through January 2, 2006

Champs Sports Bowl - Orlando, FL
Clemson vs. Colorado
Dec. 27 - 5 p.m.
ESPN

Insight Bowl - Phoenix, AZ
Arizona State vs. Rutgers
Dec. 27 - 8:30 p.m.
ESPN

MPC Computers Bowl - Boise, ID
Boise State vs. Boston College
Dec. 28 -4:30 p.m.
ESPN
NOTE: I think this is the one played on that damned blue field that makes your eyes burn watching it on television.

Master Card Alamo Bowl - San Antonio, TX
Michigan vs. Nebraska
Dec. 28 - 8 p.m.
ESPN

Emerald Bowl - San Francisco, CA
Georgia Tech vs. Utah
Dec. 29 - 4:30 p.m.
ESPN

Pacific Life Holiday Bowl - San Diego, CA
Oregon vs. Oklahoma
Dec. 29 - 8 p.m.
ESPN

Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl - Nashville, TN
Minnesota vs. Virginia
Dec. 30 - Noon
ESPN

Vitalis Sun Bowl - El Paso, TX
UCLA vs. Northwestern
Dec. 30 - 2 p.m.
CBS

Independence Bowl - Shreveport, LA
South Carolina vs. Missouri
Dec. 30 - 3:30 p.m.
ESPN

Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl - Atlantia, GA
Miami (FL) vs. LSU
Dec. 30 - 7:30 p.m.
CBS

Meineke Car Care Bowl - Charlotte, NC
South Florida vs. NC State
Dec. 31 - 11 a.m.
ESPN2

Auto Zone Liberty Bowl - Memphis, TN
Tulsa vs. Fresno State
Dec. 31 - 1 p.m.
ESPN

EV1.net Houston Bowl - Houston, TX
TCU vs. Iowa State
Dec. 31 - 2:30 p.m.
ESPN2

AT&T Cotton Bowl - Dallas, TX
Alabama vs. Texas Tech
Jan. 2 - 11 a.m.
Fox

Outback Bowl - Tampa, FL
Iowa vs. Florida
Jan. 2 - 11 a.m.
ESPN

Toyota Gator Bowl - Jacksonville, FL
Louisville vs. Virginia Tech
Jan. 2 - 12:30 p.m.
NBC

Capital Bowl - Orlando, FL
Wisconsin vs. Auburn
Jan. 2 - 1 p.m.
ABC

The Smoking Lamp-Pendragon's The Pendragons #91

TSL #70

...A WARNING AS ALWAYS, THE SMOKING LAMPS ARE SPOILER FILLED.

Pendragons
The Pendragons #91

"The Destiny Walk - Part Four"
"Finis"

By Barry Reese

You can tell from the tone and the emotting that Barry is speaking to the reader through Willem Duhart. Barry has been working on his Pendragons project for seven years and has put out 91 issues of the main title and built a fanfic franchise around it. Dedicated to his dream to say the least.

I regret that I haven't read all 91 issues...but live is long and back issues are cheap on the internet.

So the Barrier has triggered a latent psycho-mystical mutation in a large number of people...looks like interesting times for those who continue on after the Pendragons ends.

Hmmm...betrayal wrapped in destiny. Hmmm. And Kang revealed. Wow!

Halfway through the story and I'm beginning to have this feeling that the true story of the Pendragons may be a tragedy instead of a drama...King Arthur's tale at end is more tragic than dramatic...hmmm.

The "form letter" scene was excellent. Loved the simple emotional release of it. Well done.

Blood on Brian's hands....apparently a lot of blood with Kang pulling the strings. Tragedy.

Looks like Willem Duhart needs to find a "Superheroing for Dummies" book...I'm sure Barry will begin writing one immediately. HA! The weird thing is...I bet one would actually sell.

"...leaving only a headless corpse in its wake."

When Barry is ready to take it up a notch...I would posit that there isn't anyone better in fanfic today...or in the past...and maybe in the future. This is a golden scene.

But again, I hear the "ominous tragedy" theme music playing in my head as I continue reading.

That's good to see. Brian free, but not a hero's death...but free. Is Kang really dead in the Pendragon-verse? A bigger question is whether the Pendragon-verse can survive without its flagship title. Time will tell.

Funny that touch on the theme of inspiration. That mirrors some of what is happening in Infinite Crisis over in mainstream DC. Here the heroes who did the inspiring proved their mettle and stood the challenges and there they are wavering.

No, this last issue isn't a tragedy. It has large tragic elements at play within the folds of the story, but it speaks to us on other levels.

Triumph. Destiny. The Future.

Thanks, Barry.

10.0 out of 10 cigars.

Merry Christmas!!!

To one and all, a wish for a Very Merry and Safe Christmas.

And a prosperous and Happy New Year!

Peace!

Real Movie Ratings...

Apparently the policy body that rates movies has lost its mind.

G-rated movies shouldn't have heavy sexual innuendo or intense violence. Laser-totting aliens blasting chickens seems to cross the line to me.

PG-13 movies shouldn't have giant monkeys biting off someone's head. Or people being eaten by dinosaurs.

Check this site for more appropriate movie reviews and ratings.

Dammit Nancy!

I'm addicted to Sudoku.

I've found an online site where you can play.

Ah well.

Go!
Play!
Enjoy!

Nazi Cell Phone Voice Message...

...gets Austrian man 2 months added to his one year theft sentence.

He was charged with propagating Nazi propaganda.

Click here for the story.

He downloaded a loyalty oath to Hitler...onto his cell phone.

Geez!

I had a cousin many years ago who had a swastika flag in his garage. And I thought he was creepy.

Can't imagine calling someone, it goes to voice mail, and, suddenly, you are listening to an Adolf Hitler loyalty oath...don't think I'd be leaving a message.

A Fish With Two Mouths Caught in Nebraska...

Locally, we have a rather polluted river that we joke about having three-eyed fish in it.

Jokes aside, we haven't ever seen a mutant climb from the waters of the Trinity.

Wonder what kind of toxic waste was being dumped into the rivers around where this thing was caught.

I'd have given it to a science museum or something.

I damn sure wouldn't have eaten the damn thing like the guy in the article said he's going to...ICK!

The Smoking Lamp-JLU-2001's Legion Worlds

TSL #69

...A WARNING AS ALWAYS, THE SMOKING LAMPS ARE SPOILER FILLED.

JLU-2001
Legion Worlds #2

"Out of Time"

By Matthew J. Pierce

Hmmm...the white field in the rainbow strewn timefield...Dark Genesis chasing them toward the future?

Now see, I always thought of Dr. Gym'll as having the bedside manner of a Tasmanian Devil with hemorrhoids and you've made him seem a sympathetic character. My remembrances of him in the comics, he always seemed put out by having to take care of the Legion and their injuries...when if they'd stay at home like normal kids instead of traipsing around the galaxy looking for trouble, he could treat his "really" sick patients.

Cool analogy there. Darkseid shaking hands with Death has triggered a time tsunami racing toward the future.

Garth Ranzz, Lightning Swamp Lad Thing...hmmm...just doesn't work somehow. HA!

And time begins to slip. Nice that the first and second clue are Dawnstar and M'Onel...I mean Mon-El.

And...you just gave Curt a run for best transition into Dark Genesis.

8.0 out of 10 cigars.

Right Click, Select Print...

A maze for the kids...

The Fish that Stop Crime...

Dastardly villain! Take that! Taste the wrath my halibut!

HA!

Bolivia's New President Elect Supports...

...the growing of the coca plant as a agricultural industry of Bolivia...

That's coca as in once it's processed, it is cocaine.

Add that to the fact that he is a part of the Latin American Leftist movement, alongside Venezuela and Cuba, and it doesn't bode well for U. S. relations in South America.

Click here for the story.

14 Pound Baby Born in Oklahoma

Holy crap!

A 14-Pound, 3-Ounce baby girl was born in McAlester, Oklahoma.

Click here for the complete story.

I can't imagine...it's got to be like giving birth to a bowling ball.

They said that the hospital nursery had to get diapers from pediatrics because they didn't keep any of that size in their ward.

Geez!

That's a big baby.

The First Week of College Bowl Season is Here...

2005-06 Bowl Schedule - December 20-26, 2005

New Orleans Bowl - Lafayette, LA
Arkansas State vs. Southern Miss
Dec. 20 - 8 p.m.
ESPN

GMAC Bowl - Mobile, AL
UTEP vs. Toledo
Dec. 21 - 8 p.m.
ESPN

Las Vegas Pioneer Pure Vision Bowl - Las Vegas, NV
California vs. BYU
Dec. 22 - 8 p.m.
ESPN

Poinsettia San Diego County Credit Union Bowl - San Diego, CA
Colorado State vs. Navy
Dec. 22 - 10:30 p.m.
ESPN2

Fort Worth Bowl - Ft. Worth, TX
Kansas vs. Houston
Dec. 23 - 8 p.m.
ESPN

Sheraton Hawaii Bowl - Honolulu, HA
Nevada vs. UCF
Dec. 24 - 8:30 p.m.
ESPN

Motor City Bowl - Detroit, MI
Memphis vs. Akron
Dec. 26 - 4 p.m.
ESPN

The "G" is Hanging Low Today...

48-3...

Wow!

That was a hard thing to watch last night.

The Ravens aren't that good...so that means my Packers are way, way bad.

The Packers lost their 5th starting running back of the season. Samkon Gado went down with a knee injury.

Geez!

Ah well, there is talk that Vince Young may come out...the guys on the Ticket morning show were talking down Vince's talent. He can't play Quarterback in the NFL. I don't think so. He's as good in college as Michael Vick was. I think his game might fit well on the Frozen Tundra of Lambeau Field.

Aaron Rodgers got his chance...He didn't look good. I don't know if he has the nuggets to play in the NFL. Hell, maybe the Packers do want Matt Leinert.

Rodgers numbers from last night...
8/15 for 65 yards with an interception and 3 sacks.

Although...his numbers compare favorably with Favre's from the first half.
14/29 for 144 yards with 2 interceptions and no sacks.

I love Brett Favre. It pains me to see how this season has gone. I hope that if he plays next season the Green Bay Packers organization spends the money to take a "Free Agent" strategy shot at a Championship in what will no doubt be his last season.

He has yet to officially make an announcement one way or the other.

Does Mike Sherman get to keep his job next year? Does that impact whether Favre stays one more year? Will they make a real attempt to rebuild the offensive line over the off season? What about Ahman Green being a free agent at the end of the season?

Don't think it is all on the offensive side of the ball. Their defen-sieve, yes sieve is intentional, side of the ball isn't playing well either.

Will they get some people to play on defense besides Al Harris? Are KGB and Nick Barnett already done? Did they even call Na'il Diggs name or number at all last night? Were Kampman and Grady Jackson even on the field last night?

Too many questions...

Hard time to be a Green Bay Packer fan.

Sinistrosphere, Dextrosphere, The Chosen, and the Birth of the Curmudgeosphere

From World Wide Words:

SINISTROSPHERE This has started to appear online as a
disparaging
collective term for bloggers with left-wing political
affiliations.
Its opposite is the dextrosphere, a sweeter-sounding
and much less
sinister term. Both words are based on "blogosphere",
a collective
term for the whole blogging environment.

Hmmm...so left-wing politically affiliated bloggers are evil...Sinistrosphere.

Of course, this means that the right-wing blogosphere are the "Chosen Ones."

Uh huh...yeah...right.

The dextrosphere are obviously the saccharine crap that you run into in way too many places out here in the blogosphere.

Now, what would that make me. Let's see...Curmudgeon plus ...osphere...hmmm

Welcome to the Curmudgeosphere.

Shock Value with Bob Blah Blogger

Bill Parcells is an asshole.

He and his Dallas Cowboys were behind 35-0 yesterday and getting stomped. The game looked worse than the score actually communicates.

The punter blows a punt. He shanked it off the side of his foot. And Parcells, great NFL Football coaching legend that he is, rips the punter up on the sidelines.

Yeah, you go get 'em, Big Bill. That damned punter was the reason your team was getting its ass smoked yesterday.

I think there were a few more people on that sideline who needed to be getting reamed by the coach on national television.

At the gun, the Cowboys lost to the Washington Redskins, 35-7.

Starting an NFL franchise, and I have my pick between Joe Gibbs and Bill Parcells...I take Gibbs every time...cause I'd rather have the bastard working for me rather than against me.

Shock Value with Bob Blah Blogger

Mike Ditka on ESPN's Monday Morning QB show said that, "...if the Colts play their backup Quarterback, Sorgi/Zorgi/the "Not Peyton Manning" guy, following their Sunday loss to the San Diego Chargers, a significant amount of time(meaning more than half) between now and the playoffs, and they lose, the Colts won't make it to the Super Bowl."

The Smoking Lamp - JLU-2001's The Titans #9

TSL #68

...A WARNING AS ALWAYS, THE SMOKING LAMPS ARE SPOILER FILLED.

JLU-2001
The Titans #9

"Di vi ded We Stand"

By Mick Edwards

The West Coast Titans live. HA! Instantly recalls some of my favorite issues of the old pre-Wolfman and Perez Teen Titans book. Hey...can Mr. Esper and Captain Calamity be far behind??? Well...I can hope.

There is something about the image of Brazilian, nee supermodel turned superhero, Fire flipping off the android Hourman from the future. Funny stuff.

Could have expanded on the transition from bored, exasperated, belligerent people who didn't want to be there and wondered why they had even came to the "yeah, we're in" crowd who joined Flamebird on the T-Jet after the Troubalert went off.

Pharaoh Trinity and Zangi the Mad seem to talk like well...comic book characters. They are throwing down exposition, but not really telling us anything. Relax the "vile villain...dastardly do-gooder" talk and have them speak more like normal people, with the proviso that they will occasionally drop into that kind of speak a little since they are superheroes and supervillains. It was either Will Short or Barry Reese that gave me that piece of advice in a review of one of my first issues of The Replacements over at DC Heroes. I paraphrased what they actually said, cause, of course, I can't find it right now.

That said, the power portfolio and little bit of backstory that is apparent for Zangi and Pharaoh Trinity at this early stage is intriguing.

Good to see some cross continuity with Donna mourning the death of Kyle. I hope to reach back and do a Aquaman visiting Valhalla scene in a month or two after Dark Genesis. JLU has certainly put enough heroes in the Hall of Heroes there over the last year. We really need to start a "Book of the Dead" profile list on the site somewhere that would keep track of the fallen...of course, with rebirths and legacy characters that might become muddled at some point, but it would still be a good resource for other writers and the casual fan reading up on JLU-2001.

Okay...I'm at the end of the issue and I'm confused...Are Zangi the Mad and the Pharaoh Trinity the same person?

The fight scene seems like it was half to a quarter of what it should have been.

There was a good lead in. And despite the exposition being a little too light for my taste, the story was working up to the interlude...but after the interlude, we seem to rush to the end.

This held a lot of promise and I'm afraid it didn't deliver for me.

4.0 out of 10 cigars.

Dark Genesis is Sweeping the JLUniverse...

If you read comic books, GO READ THIS!

The story unfolds over the next couple of months at JLU-2001.

Catch the Baby!

This gives new meaning to the term "throwing the baby out with the bath water."

The mother had to think that she was about to die...otherwise why would this even become an option.

The guy who caught the baby...well...that's just incredible.

Imagine If This Was Shining in Your Window Every Night for a Month...

Wow!

Imagine the electric bill?

Merry Christmas!

The 10 Net-mandments

We all know these things, but sometimes a reminder is a good thing.

1. Thou shalt not buy merchandise found in pop-up ads or spam.

2. Thou shalt not post thy email address, phone number, address or social security number to the internet, nor shalt thou post anyone else's.

3. Thou shalt not forget to update thy Windows every second Tuesday.

4. Thou shalt not connect to the internet without installing an antivirus, nor shalt thou begin a scan without checking for updates.

5. Thou shalt not connect to the internet without installing a firewall.

6. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's credit card number, nor his bank routing number, nor his social security number.

7. Thou shalt not enter thy credit card number without seeing the tiny padlock icon on thy status bar.

8. Thou shalt not reply to the email from the Nigerian banker.

9. Thou shalt not forward chain letters to thy friends and family.

10. Thou shalt not use "password" as thy password, nor thy birthday, nor thy children's names.

**************

Just a friendly reminder.

Here He Comes Captain Favrelous

A snapshot of the Packers' season...sigh.

The Captain Favrelous cartoon strip appears here.

The Smoking Lamp - JLU-2001's JLA #37

TSL #67

...A WARNING AS ALWAYS, THE SMOKING LAMPS ARE SPOILER FILLED.

JLU-2001
JLA #37

"Identity Crisis"

By Curt Fernlund

Considering this story starts with Elongated Man's funeral and is called Identity Crisis, we begin with one of the wonderful juxtapositions that seem to be a hallmark of Curt's work. In mainstream DCU continuity, this would be Elongated Man at the funeral of his wife Sue, but here in our JLU, we see the other side of the coin. I'm not any happier with Ralph dead than I was with Sue, but getting a good story out of the tragedy goes a long way toward making it worthwhile. No pressure, Curt. HA!

Wow! Wally at the funeral...gut wrenching stuff. Well done. Though the Vixen who may or may not have been there confused me a bit...based on the Outsiders issue that lead into this...or rather is a fellow traveler in this...it could be Dr. Psycho playing with J'onn's mind.

The Meridian character is something of a mystery to me. I read some of the Primal Force books when they were coming out, but never really found the flavor of the series to my liking.

There are those words again, Behavior Modification. Evil words.

I love Skeets. He was always one of my favorite characters. I felt it was a mistake for him to be slung into the background in the JLI years. Good to see him getting used here.

"He was heaving with rage however, his fingers curling open and closed."
Love that description of a pissed off and parboiled Hawkman. Excellent.

WOW! Okay, Curt, that was the best transitional Dark Genesis scene yet. Why Greece though? The whole "turning to ash and blowing away on a wind that you can not feel"...excellent.

9.0 out of 10 cigars.

NO KIDS, This is Not the Real Santa Claus...

We all sometimes feel bad at Christmas.

But remember...at least you aren't this guy...standing on the edge of a roof in a Santa suit, with a gun, and a bottle of liquor.

It doesn't even look like it's winter in the pic.

That looks like a bad, bad day.

Pulled the pic courtesy of Gordon Keith.

The Smoking Lamp-JLU-2001's Outsiders #8

TSL #66

...A WARNING AS ALWAYS, THE SMOKING LAMPS ARE SPOILER FILLED.

JLU-2001
The Outsiders #8

"The Descending Shadow"
"Trial by Future, Part 2"

By Mick Edwards and Curt Fernlund

And Luthor's Society is on the move in the JLU. I really thought Manchester was behind the attacks in the bar up until Dr. Psycho appeared...excellent.

So, the man in the pub, John Salisbury, was he The Hat? I always liked the idea of this character. Never got around to writing him though. Is he dead? Or as dead as comic book characters get?

Another appearance by the Crime Syndicate of America...seems awfully soon on the heels of the JLA/Avengers arc where they appeared, but...you can't keep good characters down...good bad characters down.

Cool! A blood thirsty Professor Zoom turning on the CSA...cool stuff. Love it when villains fight each other almost as much as I like it when heroes fight each other. Yes, it's a cliche...so shoot me.

Hmmm, the JLA attacks...hmmm, curious.

8.5 out of 10 cigars.

Goth Girl Sez...

These are available on t-shirts and other stuff from my CafePress online store. If you like it, check it out. There will be other stuff when I'm feeling creative.

14 Year Olds Making Babies...

A 14 year old girl, on the Maury Povich Show Friday, was talking about not being too young to make a baby...and she wanted one.

Jesus.

Maybe we do need more church in our schools.

Get thee to a nunnery.

The Reggie Bush Sweepstakes...

Green Bay slipped in the chase for Reggie. They won on Sunday night beating Detroit in overtime 16-13.

It really, really sucks when I'm not happy with a win. Sigh.

This is what Jerry Jones meant in all those interviews that we are bombarded with here in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area, "we're about winning and competing for championships."

The New York Jets slipped as well, beating Oakland 26-10.

The Houston Texans continue to pace the field toward Reggie Bush with the San Francisco 49ers holding steady at the 2nd pick in the 1st round of next season's draft.

Ah well...three more weeks.

The Smoking Lamp-JLU-2001's Birds of Prey #9

TSL #65

...A WARNING AS ALWAYS, THE SMOKING LAMPS ARE SPOILER FILLED.

JLU-2001
Birds of Prey #9

"Breakdown"

By Matt Hrubey

Hmmm, the Ruby of Revival...shades of Sargon the Sorceror there. Nice.

An expansion of the daydream sequence where she thinks about killing all the capes she's ever known could have been great.

I like the "junkie" effect that Zatanna seems to be under.

Zatanna vs. Black Canary...the war of the fishnets....that would be a great set of comic book pages.

Cool lead in to Dark Genesis. Looking forward to more.

7.0 out of 10 cigars.

Brokeback Mountain...

I haven't seen it...and I'm not going to see it.

It's a gay cowboy movie. I just don't see where I relate to the material.

The New York media are saying that "you should go see this movie."

Hollywood is gushing about it.

The Golden Globes are giving it much critical love.

The morning news shows and the E!ntertainment shows are beating us over the head with it.

Looks like a real full court press is on to try and get Middle America to give this movie a look. Have to save the heathen, hillbilly from himself, make him go see a culturally opposite movie clothed in his culture.

Gay love story cinema, cowboy or otherwise, isn't high on my list of things to sit through for an hour and a half or more. Hell, I don't like sitting through Straight love stories, cowboy or otherwise. I'd rather go to the dentist.

So why in the hell would I give Brokeback Mountain a look...on Hollywood's word. Pfft, that's funny.

David Leavit over at the Slate commented on the movie and the "gay love story" saying it was a love story, not necessarily a gay love story. Well...when Joe Six-Pack looks up at the screen in Peoria or Waco or Billings and he sees two cowboys in love with one another...well, he's going to squirm and start working out his exit strategy.

Hope the producers, actors, and crew of Brokeback enjoy their critical acclaim. The stills and the previews make the movie look to have been beautifully made.

I just don't think its going to swing on the big tree in Middle America. No offense, but Brokeback isn't Philadelphia, reaching into the heart of America and bringing Tom Hanks with it. By the same token, Brokeback isn't Birdcage, making us laugh at ourselves as our foibles are pointed out to us, or Monster, a dark journey through a descent flavored by a love almost become obsession.

I could be wrong about Brokeback...but I doubt it.

Contratulations Mr. Bush...

That's Reggie Bush!

2005 Heisman Trophy Winner.

The Smoking Lamp-JLU-2001's Dark Genesis #1

TSL #64

...A WARNING AS ALWAYS, THE SMOKING LAMPS ARE SPOILER FILLED.

JLU-2001
Dark Genesis #1

"Let There Be Light"

By Various...but mostly by Curt Fernlund...credit where credit is due.


The opening with Superman and the Amazons vs. Darkseid and his minions is well done.

I'm sure all will be revealed in the fullness of time. The mystery that Orion fails to rudiment on, but being Orion, the warrior, rudimenting isn't his strong suit, is how did Darkseid overcome or escape the Source Wall.

I love Kanto. This character is Errol Flynn, if you don't know who Flynn is go rent a couple of movies. He's a rather evil Errol Flynn, but yeah, Errol Flynn.

And a Robin acting like Batman. "I could care less if he wants us in his city. The people need us." Paraphrasing there, but that was great.

And DG seems to be heralding Superboy/Conner Kent becoming more Super-like. Good.

Maybe the Dumbo the Elephant in bat suit and tiara piece can be reused someday when Captain Carrot and his Amazing Zoo Crew invade the mainstream JLU? HA!

Like the assassin work in the Deadshot piece. Played as a cool customer, very nice.

I still prefer Valor to be Mon-El. It's like when, over at Marvel, they call Vance Astro by the incredibly lame "Major Victory" name. Mon-El or even Mo-Nel or even M'onel or another iteration. I just prefer it. But that's a personal preference that is neither here nor there as it relates to the quality of the story in question.

The Valor appearance was well done. Ah...the silver, crystalline skull...my favorite.

I started to comment that we were heavy on appearances by the Bat family when Huntress showed up, but then, I realized that the Eradicator and Valor had just appeared and the Super family was being well represented as well.

Wow! Huntress is decidedly bloodthirsty. The seeing the Parademons as Bruce Wayne thing is great.

I won't comment on the Tempest piece in Atlan's Grotto since I wrote it. Look for more developments regarding the Grotto in the Aquaman-Dark Genesis issue, appearing in #16 of that title.

Was that some iteration of the Cosmic Cube? Or a modified Mother Box? You're not going to tell me are you? I'm going to have to read and find out, aren't I?

Ah well, with writing this good, there are worse things that I could be doing.

It doesn't feel like there was a missed step anywhere in this story. And with the many authors throwing in pieces of the puzzle that is a GREAT credit to the editors and the primary writer, Curt Fernlund.

Great stuff.

10.0 out of 10 cigars.

Goodbye to One of the True Kings of American Comedy

Richard Pryor passed away today. Reports say that a heart attack took him.

He was a genius.

Rest In Peace.

Click here.

The Smoking Lamp-JLU-2001's Birds of Prey #8

TSL #63

JLU-2001
Birds of Prey #8

"The Bird, The Beetle, and The Monster"

By Alex Hayden


The action in the opening sequence is good.

I would recommend breaking it up into more sentences. Describe each event more, instead of having so much happen in between one set of periods.

"...injected something into the man's body." This would have worked better if "something" had been replaced with "a dark ichor", "a red stain", or going with the man's pallor at first appearance "a cold looking white fluid that pulsed as it drained into the victim's neck." Drop the somethings and use some adjectives.

Even with those issues, once past the introductory section and into the meat of the story, these problems didn't reoccur. Either that or they seemed to disappear against the action and pacing of the story.

Langstrom...hmmmmm. That name...

I do prefer Ted Kord, big business mogul over whipping boy joke-oholic.

Hmmm, Lillian is into something much bigger than a failed genetics experiment. Shame Kord didn't have a better idea of what his money was being spent on.

Obviously, I thought this was going to be a Man-Bat story when I saw the name Langstrom, but the Vlad character has me wondering...that and his creating an army of Children of the Night. I don't seem to remember Man-Bat doing that.

Funny. I never considered Batman impatient. All in the perspective. I could see where his leaping into a situation where he can get physical and disrupting it instead of waiting to let it develop would be seen that way though. Good catch.

HA! I just can't get used to Oracle being called "O". Instantly puts me in mind of a basketball court and my getting dunked on by a future All-American in a pick-up game that I had no business being a part of.

Great move. Great scene. Lillian reveals her hand. Great stuff.

Like the "Die Hard/Lethal Weapon" limo diving scene.

Okay...Lillian is an evil bitch. There, I said it. Cool. Good villain. Evil.

The fight scene where Canary is facing Vlad as he stalks toward the beaten Blue Beetle has the same feel as the first introductory section. The fight scene is sort of clunky. But once the fight moved beyond the one-on-one stage and Faith and Thunder took a role, the sequence improved.

So...where and when does the rest of this story appear?

Despite the shortcomings, the story and pacing pulled this along and sparked really well.

7.0 out of 10 cigars.

This is Republo-crat-ommuist Garbage

The Denver Post recently ran an article about a GOP plan to ram a "guest" worker program through, veiled in a tougher, but not really, border security initiative. It only pays lip service to the idea of border security.

Click here.

I believe in Border Control over Border Patrol.

More and more, I wonder if the Minutemen aren't a good thing.

Alcohol...It Does a Body Good!

A number of studies have been reported recently on the healing and treatment facilities of various alcoholic beverages.

***

Beer blocks cancer causing enzymes.

Click here.

***

Red wine keeps Alzheimer's associated plaque from building up.

Click here.

***

Sangria helps fight colds, flu, cancer, and heart disease.

Click here.

***

CRAIG LOOK HERE...
Researchers at Texas Tech University, recently, concluded a study which found that persons having two drinks a week lowered their propensity for weight gain.

Click here.

***

In conclusion, eat, drink, be merry...its good for you.

Prayer in Public Life

...what is wrong with a nice thought to start the day.

I don't condone proselytizing, but an expressed hope for safety and a good day is a good thing.

Don't beat the audience over the head with it, but there is nothing wrong with it.

Don't make participation required...but if people want to bow there heads and think nice thoughts for a moment...let them.

They pray before NASCAR events...for the safety of the driver and crews and for a good day for all in attendance...

Hmmm, they're right that seems threatening...someone call the ACLU.

Of course, I believe that kids should do the Pledge of Allegiance and respect the flag...what do I know?

With thanks to Stephanie for triggering this tirade.

Love you Fart Girl.

Imagine...

Merry Christmas from Supergirl...

Artist Al Rio dropped this on his website a few days ago...the comic book geek in me had to share.

The Smoking Lamp-JLU-2001's JLA #35

TSL #62

JLU-2001
JLA #35

"The New Order "

By Curt Fernlund

I was catching up on some reading when time permitted this weekend...and I was glad that this was one of the stories that I chose to read.

I can't believe Curt killed Elongated Man. Didn't he just off Kyle Rayner an issue or two ago? And people call me bloodthirsty. HA!

It makes for an odd juxtaposition vs. what has happened to Ralph and Sue in mainstream DCU.

The body isn't even cold yet and I'm wondering at what J'onn says early in the issue and as to whether he will be asking Sue out after a suitable mourning period has passed.

I liked the showdown with the Society. Cool picks for Society membership.

I cringed hard when Deathstroke delivered the coup d' grace.

Luthor staged it all to send a message to Superman...Wow!

Good stuff.

8.0 out of 10 cigars.

DON'T FEED THESE THINGS TO YOUR DOG...

Greenies are a teeth cleaning treat that your dog, or cat, is supposed to chew up.

Dog owners, show of hands...

How many of your dogs chew?

These things are causing extreme digestive stress to our furry friends and in some cases killing them by obstructing their bowels.

If you have any of these Greenies brand products in your house, throw them the "F" away.

For the complete story, click here.

3000

Sometime today, we will hit our 3,000th unique visitor here at Cigar Smoke...

Thanks for stopping by.

Cheese!
Tight-Ass
Frank
puff
Mark
...whatever name you know me by...Thanks!

$100 Laptops...

I picked this up out of a wonderful computer geek resource...eWeek.

The first working prototype of an affordable lap top was rolled out a few weeks ago at the UN World Summit on Information Society in Tunis, Tunisia.

It came to be as a joint project between MIT's Media Lab and the One Laptop per Child association, whose stated mission is to distribute computers to school children in under-developed nations.

The really odd aspect of this, other than the fact that a world information symposium took place in Tunisia, possibly one of the most restrictive societies in the world, is that these laptops are powered by a hand crank.

Yes, you read that correctly.

A hand crank.

They kept the $100 dollar price a reality via a limited software package, they went with a Linux-based system, and a small display.

They hope that the small systems will be able to access Wi-Fi through a mesh network.

An hand cranked, small screened internet accessible $100 dollar laptop...

Wow!

No word on if they will be available in the U. S. or not...or to the general public at all.

Why Yes...That is Exactly What It Looks Like...NOT FOR THE KIDS

Warren Ellis pointed this out on his site...I couldn't resist sharing.

To order one or to browse the catalog click here. There are donkeys, elephants, monkeys, bears, and more.

The scary thing is Ellis mentions another site where the stuffed animals have the equal, yet, opposite genitallia, though I don't have a link to that site. I can see some pervert sticking them together on his mantle or atop his television.

HA! No, not me...

Okay...I thought about it, but that's all.

Crabs in Space

The Hubble Space Telescope is a great thing. It recently caught this, the most detailed picture of the Crab Nebula ever.

Does it change your life?

No.

Is it cool getting to see things like this?

Damn straight.

Click here.

Ft. Worth Flyers and the NBA D-League

On the day after Thanksgiving, we visited lovely downtown Ft. Worth and got to check out some NBA Development League basketball.

The game on Friday night was pretty cool.

We arrived for the game, just prior to go time.

No crowds. No trouble parking. No muss. No fuss.

We walk in, no line to wait in to give our tickets and get in. We get in and walk around until we find the floor access. We turn the corner and there right in front of us are the Ft. Worth Flyers. Turns out that floor access went down past the locker rooms, so we stood behind the team as they were introduced to go out for the shootaround.

I teased Cadi that I should wait for the next introduction and, then, bust down the tunnel and run out with my hands held high...HA!

But I didn't, wouldn't have done to get thrown out before the tip off. Or being slammed flat on my back by a 7-foot tall stork in a blue jersey and gym shorts.

Our seats were directly behind the Flyers end of the scoring table. If I looked one way, I could look over the shoulder of the guy broadcasting the game on local radio and if I looked the other...I could look over the shoulder of the Flyers head coach(Sam Vincent).

It was like being right in the huddle.

But, man...there were a lot of empty seats.

Keith Langford looked good, as did Ime Udoka and Majic Dorsey. Udoka was in the NBA for awhile last season with the Los Angeles Lakers.

The BSWG, Luke Schenscher, played just like a BSWG(re: BSWG = Big Stiff White Guy), but as I told Cadi, he was 7 feet tall...and you can't teach 7 feet.

And there are two Anthonys on the team. And I don't know if the guy in the stands was a relative of one of them or what, but one of them would do something sort of hinky and you'd hear, "What was that ANTHONY! You can't play like that."

Or one of them would do something good and you would hear, "That's how you play ANTHONY. That's how you play."

After four quarters of this and going into overtime, I see Anthony Terrel muscle up in the paint and before I can stop myself, I'm yelling, "That's how you play ANTHONY. That's how you play."

At this point, Cadi leans away from me trying to act like she doesn't know me.

Anthony Terrel had a career high that night. He scored 17 points for the first time in his professional career. Cool stuff.

It was so cool being able to look at the board while the coach is drawing up plays.

The game was cool.

The Flyers won in overtime, 115-109. Ime Udoka scored 20. Schenscher got 11 boards.

Now, I know, if these guys were playing in the NBA, they would have a serious bag. But against like competition, they were great. And I could see Udoka, Dorsey, Langford, and the BSWG stepping up sometime soon.

Pretty cool stuff.

For more info on your Ft. Worth Flyers click here.

If you find yourself in Ft. Worth and the Flyers are playing a home game, if you are a basketball fan, ...make the time.

Highly recommended.

When Sickness is Funny...

I found this gif emoticon today.

It's too good not to share.

Happy Birthday to One of the Funniest Americans...Ever

It's Richard Franklin Lenox Thomas Pryor's birthday today.

He...is...greatness.

Biographical data.

Filmography.